gangbangers staring down loaded barrels
fallen and desperate point at temples
‘nother kid losing to Life’s cruelty
human animal torment from digital
share the pics poison the lot
sex tapes and wrecks
gaping soul hole
nourished by parental absenteeism
culture shocks mice into aggressive bulldogs
love may be inside but ugliness too
sick cells multiple
division of recluse
sensitive outside ravaged by hidden on inside
everyone sensitive but express it variable
cold glocks for suicide
brazen pride for bully pigs
mean girl vibes for dying insides
lovely face but draining pool eyes
you take from me we take from many
conmen and women take take aplenty
we make the mess and the hazardous youth
we clean the excess but leave the residue
lawyers for ourselves
defend our habituals
hardened outside like Jamaican festivals
sop up the aftermath like Dre Days
chronic so toxic
status quo spills
people cruel but could be better
may not hope but reason fits as well
capable kindness peeks through brick walls
brick ourselves in to block the hiding wolves
swollen members spreading the cancer
in the gut in the end
worldview there’s no answers
no rhyme or reason to muddle with
people looking from the bottom
puffed up sucker fish
last to admit our damage and regret
always on the mind but fear if surface
dwelling and commiserating
deluding and upbeat playing
strive for survival while opera closes in
all just scared and fearful miscreants
we take it out on ourselves each other and every one
cycles repeat again
from man to child to future kin
all the media messages hard to sink in
thick skulls under sand
just hiding and blending in
Black nerds got a place with us.
I’m glad they have a space to trust.
Can be themselves without proving nothing.
If only the women got the same lovin.
Star trek diatribes and peace pipe dreams.
So relaxed talk just makes me calm.
Spirits wandering around
Purposeless and missing aim
Ethereal drags moving, shuffling on heavy, swollen feet
Green green lithe legs shifting and bulging toward bs * ##
Carolina sings the eine kleine for she has no nice piana
Dull set tones from gurgle mouth
She brushes and spits the orchestral bout
Her electro brush plays the vibrato
Pasty arias are areas for airs
Hot air cold front hurricane braziers
Man am I glad my mind can overpower my shallow eyes. Pretty milky woman but too too spoiled to be a love addition to basement dweller life space. Young thing full of hope and bs and I fell for the curves and beauty, made myself think proper relationship when faded with 2nd teenage phase.
Don’t need to even ask is it me :] my demeanor means tell me your troubles half – remembered acquaintance you got shingles again and had face palsy? Elaborate! Show me the body spots and let me think I’m the crazy one go on about your dental surgery old man that isn’t my father this time you hurt your foot but didn’t shatter it like me? I will sympathy face and not be the crank inside me must accept my shoulder duties like the last 20 odd years I got used to it driven to temp concern and ritual nice nurse face should charge nickels like Lucy love the beautiful struggle when when not misery couple hours of empathy and I’m filled for the week people quota completed
Keep going back to Dostoevsky characters. The Underground Man type stewing too much and devouring himself. Feeling pride is hurt, his person is being rejected too often by fellow dicks, continue to try with them then give up, isolate, try again ad nauseum anon. Keep trying but you fail in a way, do not con right, play the game with the proper words and facial expression. Give a smidgen but pull back, do not get too personal or close. Others tell all and complain about the minor key problems but you cannot, TMI and not interested eyes. Listen to annoying blarg inanity while you’re cell talking and throw uncreative humor around the tables or venue while I cringe internally. Bad of me but my expectations are always too high and never learn, never downsize my version of hope. Not a postivist shiny type anymore but hate giving in to apathy and fuck the world mentality. It is my nighttime friend but I let him know he is rotting.
There is this twisting of a person’s pride and honor that appears sporadically/frequently/annoyingly. We are meant to deal and control it, control the addiction of proving and ego, but it can clash with the sense of ‘fairness’ or not letting the assholes win. Keeps happening. My mind doth fill with the reiteration of this and that happening “generation after generation” poinsettia. I know better, we know better, I hope to lordy we do, though the clincher comes and our feathers get ruffled and dog fight lizard brain nonsense comes to the fore. My goal is better, to better, Ahimsa and Nirvana mindstate. Too pompous for so called enlightenment so I figure I do the peace of mind. Peace of mind in a ludicrous circus tent cranium.
The work is necessary but alas I have the bitterness and misanthropic stain, the human stain. I have painted some such screed upon my internal demon to feed vileness and badness. I aggravate me and see aggravation, push people to ‘school’ ’em, teach these spoiled children lessons about principles and caring about rightness whatever age. Self-involvement and narcissistic bent pervasive and alluring; lessons of defending the attitude of the day and notions of ‘it’s my life,’ bon bons for Nowtime. I ams what I ams and ever shall be, let me parade in buffonery. I myself get stuck and foolish and look ridiculous to the laughers and pointers though I keep the concept of goodness and morality, my morality, around me, in me. I have little beliefs in anything and do not follow the purpose explained to common society with the whole cog in the system and nationalism that swells with the up and up career and capitalism.
Not satisfied with the junk.
People sticking needles of portrayed success and doctrine duty.
Full of self.
Speak act and be wrong.
Sayeth that guy and girl.
Go fuck yourself police bitches.
Go fuck it all ignorant savages.
Do I have to be poetic and understand assholes?
No! fuck em all because now I now pain pays.
Attack me when I’m not talking to you.
Act all aggro and alpha male too.
Decision is law no need to dispute.
Lash out at dumbfucks and get away with it.
Angry. Drunkish. Off-balance but mentally dumby.
Accept the white boy violence and castigate the brown fight.
Everything’s ok when you Casper white.
You know it’s annoying when you can’t tell whether you feel dirty because of bad money or OCD bug craziness! Conundrums!!
We all so fucking hard
Cycle on and on
Show no emotion
Steel gaze locomotion
Baby this, bae that
Show face of love and hide ugly back
Now you see me
Con game so easy
Fool you foil self
Fools rush large and we foolishly deceive
We take the lies with the salt
Hungry for MSG in the melting pot
The tomb is the bedpost
Relationship a rot
No absent hateration
Pull the wool down foolish sheep still sleeping
You say you can’t trust but you trust cynicism
Alleviate the pressure of the bullshit vision
Scared men tell tales
Lie on bent tracks
Steamroller blowing wild down invented solo act
Desperate for security
Exchange glib conversations
Commission fronting division
Slick with the criminal but terminology mutuals
Rob a rich bitch with hopeful residuals
Bend over for dividends
Tax write-off for donations
Old money amigos free market pendejos
Swipe up the funds trust me
Leech off old biddies and their trees in Jerusalem
Upchuck this national commitment for paradise investments
Islands of gold sinking deposits
Loopholes frolic wrap round my fingers swollen
Blue blood showing as I spout off the story
The one with the poor beat pappy
Grand ol’ man with nickel in wallet
Work hard penny pinch end up with ten cents
Double your money in those days was godsend
Rollin holy and protected from broken rosaries
Put the faith in accumulated wealth tempting greedy
Carts in front of asses ready for investing
Sit on the assets and premium rates begin
Punch card workaholics downing malt liquids
Punch drunk fools living large economics
Perfect scam with two ups and one down
Crash and burn but win on insurance
Double down quick
Ramble with the gambling men
Playing dungeons and dragons with the free market
Imaginary boys tug of war inflation
Rope burns the commons
Light hands go back to skimming
Slippery dick wolves on Wall Street
Law and order the silent accomplice
Bury the principles
An unearthly currency
Masters and keepers sirens of fallacy
Deride me punish me
Put one away for the cheap seats
Crooks and liars get a minor taste of it
Easy walk cells then back to the spreadsheets
Rising stocks after new news cycle
New CEOs spell price grab and risk divestment
Win the long con with political backing