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Geez man how many times can I get groped and touched by guys in a night?! My local bar we joke as being a gay bar because mostly men, few women, and the ones that come in are surrounded by vulture coyotes. Pretty much everyone has a hard time hiding the desperation and need that consumes us all in dark abysses of lonesome blues pinning us to empty voids of collective yearning, women exude it too sometimes but we gotta play it cool and pretend we don’t need the touch, the strange. It’s like that whole compartmentalization thing, we all know the deal but we must keep up appearances, tosh posh magosh. But last night man these guys on valentine’s day horny or drunkenness kept molesting me and I don’t make fight like some guys do but this is happening too much. As someone not even interested in most touching and camaraderie things I get alot of hugs and rubs and all that brotherly love thing I am still not used too.

I grew up with sisters and a smothery mother, brothers never came into the equation and I wanted one in younger days and now I couldn’t care less. But am I doomed to being everyone’s teddy bear? the cuddle man that makes up for people’s sadness and missing warmth? Do I not bleed? If you prick me will I not punch you in the sucker? Sometimes I think of being Giles and bringing the Ripper out but I’m turning into a big peacenik. I get a little tired of violent movies and all this macho nacho gunlust we are so bombarded by, can we just have some fun stuff, I guess I’ve gone past the serious and political needing to be so forefront. New life philosophy takes over, sunrise sun blazing hot burning retinas like Cyclops laser beams. Color me wonderful.