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We all have monsters that grab us and sink their claws in. Trifling, nagging nightmares nipping at wit’s end. Busted up and loose jawed from battles fought bitterly; how many of us really have courage? The temerity to bash our skulls against frightening walls blockading progress. Monolithic madness leakin little droplets like jagged little pills from heaven.

Crime, drama, poverty, sustenance, social ills mix devilishly with the fragility of life. Tender and rough all the same. The just and unjust crowd around each other, huddled bodies decaying in seconds to the same drumbeat of death’s march. Fearful and scared, as a species meant for survival but now run amok. No place to set it, no sense of security, the idea of it the most lucrative invention.

Fortunes for fools. Doomsayers predict such horrors and in the backs of mind it lingers. We cling to our rationality and reason but primal, superstitious thinking roosts always. Lizard brain finality, sink or swim fight or flee. Escape always on the mind, whether a boring meeting or violence, we run for fear, run for freedom, run for life.

As I lay as I pray lord help me I’ve gone astray. We turn into these different beings, peering behind the curtains of our mind at youth, experiences, reasons for present state. Could be there are no reasons, no causes, just an unenviable chaotic flux playing the role of watchmaker. Maybe we are all errors making the best of it. Fulfilling the promise of natural selection because it is possible, unavoidable in its indifference, a guide for us lonely hitchhikers amid a preoccupied cosmos.

Is it any wonder we feel cold and lonely? Ripped from comfort to be tossed in a cruel and kind world, never knowing which. Struggle and sacrifice made virtues and eventualities. We attack from that fear, fear of hurt, love, emptiness. We bare strength to hide weakness, flaunt brazen to shelter yearning. Saying “I need you” becomes so hard. Brave fronts are life’s lessons.

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