To live in fear. Constantly watching shadows; over the shoulder, around the bend. Corners of the eyes your ritual habitat; suspicion loop. Watching watching every environ seen, analyzed, worked through the paranoid brain, panic mental strain unfurling, the sick imaginings bloom as fear-gilded orchids, tinged and hued with curdled blood. The sanguine life force blisters and bubbles up as tensed time moves forth, pulse sharply rising rising, heart is gloating that it will burst forth from the shell. Flushed face to bright hot mania, sweat collecting, holding, nervous manner frightening and jostling the wetted beads. Inside it’s hard to know, hard to tell; unstable, unyielding agony, immeasurable. The pounding, the beckoning, the hideous beating of the wretched heart; weak and feeble, tremulous jitterbug overwrought organ. Why art thou born with such a thing?
Not made to withstand such a world as this, undone by existence. No, not belonging to this life, these paths presented, the sunny amber road cluttered with omens and portends. Darkness ever-present, looming and scowling over all. The grim face a sneering spectre ghoulishly howling and berating the whining dog sans bite. Gathering grey comes upon you belittling lingering pride, pressuring nerves of flaccid material. Charlie Brown rainclouds dampening ruined spirits drunk on torture tinctures, harkening calls of the tired and true doom and gloom. Oy, commonplace it has become, the feeling, the ache inside, comes on so often it’s wretchedness dulls to a slow vibration, mass and a constant on the dragging form. Cascading iron ringlets pulling on the feet and neck; anchors for the undertow a heavy band to bare. Nothing seems likely to lure back courage fled, tantalize temerity to back the flailing mutt. It all comes forth to take it’s toll, bare teeth and grit it through. May not the cruel intentions hide relief that you are due.